I’ve always loved the word rationale. That “e” tacked on at the end, making it look and sound a little more sophisticated, a little more French, than its boring adjectivial, rational. But more than that, I love how it points to reason, showing the existence of logic, of explanation, of rationality. Those who know me, and I know that most of those reading this actually do, will know that I love reasons.

I love finding out how things work and why they work. I love learning, which has taken me down all sorts of rabbit holes and endless Google searches. Maybe it means that I sometimes forget to take in the moment because I am searching for Empress Sisi’s holiday home in Greece, or how far the V&A Museum is from Gatwick, but it also means that I ask questions. Or I try to. Reasons also make me feel safe. They can bring sense and stability; they allow me to step back and think, OK, this is why…

But I also realise, much to the frustration of my control-needy, reason-loving personality, that sometimes there is simply no reason… sometimes a rationale-vacuum simply exists. Life is unfair: plans get upended, hurt happens, brokenness and non-sensical chaos and suffering seem inescapable… Which is what brings me to this point: writing about the word rationale and reasons.

Life is pretty all over the place at the moment, and I am generally struggling with why this is. I am learning to trust processes and journeys and have faith, and all of the very legitimate, valuable clichés we frustratingly hear. But if I am going to do that successfully, and build a better, stronger me, them I feel the need to write my thoughts here, on this tiny, unrecognised corner of the internet.

This is my processing zone: I love writing, but very rarely do so, but I hope that in the next while, as Stephen and I make a life-changing move to England, it will be a space to process and to share what is happening in my life. It’s mostly a selfish space, and I don’t necessarily need anyone to read it, but creating an actual blog makes me acccountable, if to no one else, then at least to myself. And maybe, for those who find themselves here, maybe, just maybe, I can build a little bit of community, and share a litle bit of joy. Just maybe.

So here we go…

20 July 2025